Welcome back!
In the last post, I have show you an introductory about twins. This time let’s share more about guide for parents in handling twins and their uniqueness.
How Do We Care for the Twins at Home?
Hopefully, you have already prepared for this moment, have met other parents of twins, bought equipment, and read books. (Check the booklist at the end of this file.)
Fatigue is the main cause of depression in new parents. Dad, friends, or relatives can help in housekeeping. Mom will tire if she waits on the grandparents or visiting relatives who are playing with the twins.
By necessity, the father of twins should be an active parent. Happily, most fathers enjoy their involvement. He can change diapers, feed bottle-fed babies, bring the kids to mom, keep house, and cook.
Feeling tied down is a problem. We recommend using babysitters as early as you want. Infant bonding won’t be harmed. It might be a good idea to hire an occasional babysitter just so mom can nap.
Transportation is a chore. Two infant car seats are mandatory. Over-the-shoulder baby-packs are convenient for walks. A twin stroller allows one parent to walk the twins.
Infant Feeding
Demand feeding, in which the infants feed according to their individual patterns, is time consuming and tiring. Modified demand, in which the first baby who is awake is fed and then the second baby is awakened for feeding, is reasonable. Simultaneous feeding of the babies together is possible, if both are good feeders.
Breast-feeding has many advantages: it provides optimal nutrition and infection-fighting factors; it comes "premixed" in unbreakable "containers." Breast-feeding twins is possible and pleasant. Be confident, you can do it.
Suggestions :
1. Nurse babies in the hospital to develop your milk supply.
2. Assign one baby to one side – each breast produces its own milk.
3. Satisfy your increased appetite, eating a balanced diet and drinking plenty of fluids.
4. Positions – see figures.
5. Have plenty of rest in between nursings.
Bottle-feeding suggestions
1. Feed infants individually to ensure maternal-infant touching.
2. If you decide to feed simultaneously, alternate holding one twin with the other lying close by.
Fussiness
Crying grates on both twins and parents. Try feeding, holding, or putting fussy twins in a swinging chair, or driving them in the car. If all their needs are met, let them cry in the isolation of their room – they have energy to release. It doesn’t reflect poorly on you. Remember the Jewish saying, "It is better that a child should cry than its parents."
How Do My Twins Compare with Nontwins in Size?
At birth, typical monozygotic twins weigh less than 98% of nontwin newborns (singletons). Dizygotic twins weigh less than 90% of singletons. The weight difference between singletons and twins significantly decreases in the first three months and disappears by the time they are eight years old. The height differences reduce dramatically in the first year and disappear by eight years. At birth, monozygotic pairs differ more in size than do dizygotic twins, but become more similar as they grow. Monozygotic twin-to-twin blood transfusions and birth defects in one twin may account for their size differences; the passage of time erases these differences. In contrast, dizygotic twins differ more as they grow.
The First Year
Differences and similarities will soon become apparent in their physical and emotional makeup. They will physically explore each other around three months. Later, they’ll hug, wrestle, and fight over toys. Mom and dad will welcome their growing independence in feeding and sleeping through the night.
Intelligence
Intelligence (IQ) test results have shown no real differences between twins and singletons. Many studies show that twins from educated, understanding, and stable families are at least as intelligent as singletons. In addition, we believe that twins have the advantages of developing outgoing, comfortable personalities.
Twins tend to have more speech difficulties than singletons. Twins start to talk later than singletons and stutter more often. Idioglossia or twin language may be spoken. This is a unique language understood by the twins but not by others. These speech patterns may be caused by the large amount of time twins spend together. All of these speech problems can be treated. The children’s doctor will check their development and hearing. If the twins speak clearly when they speak in English, parents can simply handle the problem by responding only when they speak clearly, reading books aloud with them, and increasing their contact with other people. Sing to the babies and repeat nursery rhymes to them whenever you are within ear shot and the babies are awake.
Toddlers
Safety
Twins cooperate. What one does not think of the other will. You can not watch two children at the same time. We recommend completely child proofing all open rooms. Lock the other rooms with child-proof knobs or latches. You can enjoy the humor of their tricks knowing that they are safe.
Fighting
Some fighting is to be expected, but it may get intolerable. Do not take sides, just separate them. Remove the toy involved or allow each a certain amount of time, for example, five minutes, to play with the toy. Children behave badly to get attention, for power, and for revenge. Understand the reason. Biting is common, and you should immediately discipline the aggressor. Twins enjoy cooperating also. It is fun watching them make up and laugh together.
Clothing
Dissimilar clothes establish identity and allow identification for safety. However, infants are not harmed by wearing look-alike clothes. Later, try different clothes or at least vary colors of identical prints. Allow them to choose their own clothing and keep them in their own separate drawers.
Toys
Sharing is fine to some extent, though toddler-aged children need to learn the meaning of possessions before they can learn to share. Therefore, children their age need some of their own possessions. Monozygotic twins share more but all toddlers are self-centered by nature. We suggest labeling his or her possessions with each twin’s name. Use a timer to alternate time for playing with a popular toy. Buy a toy with many pieces, such as building blocks, to allow sharing. Twins learn to share earlier than singletons and thus become good playmates with other children.
Pre-school
The closeness of twins may make them timid with others. They may have confidence as "we," shyness as "I." Friends may choose a favorite twin, or the twins may dominate playmates. However, friendships are important. You should encourage each twin to take separate outings with his or her own friends to assist individualization. Nurseries will also offer you a free period.
Lying can be a problem. A monozygotic twin may escape being caught when he or she misbehaves because both twins look alike. One solution is to dress the twins differently. Twins are special and sometimes spoiled. One or both may misbehave. We suggest rewarding positive behavior more than disciplining for negative behavior. Tailor the reward or punishment to the individual child’s needs.
Jealousy is usually not a problem with monozygotic twins. Dizygotic twins may compete for parental attention because of personality differences. Be attentive to individual needs and discuss the child’s feelings with him or her.
Decision making should be fostered at an early age to promote individualization.
The twins will overhear others ask, "Are they twins?" or they will be called by their sibling’s name. It is best for twins and parents to correct people calmly.
The twins will build a close and supportive relationship. They will become less dependent on parents – happily for all concerned!
Age 6 to 12 Years
In this age group, continue to accentuate individual attributes and encourage different pursuits.
School
Kindergarten may be the twins’ first separation from each other. Separation may be difficult for identical twins and welcomed by fraternal twins. Classmates accept both kinds of twins quickly as twins but not as individuals. Earlier separation trials will ease the anxiety. Some separation is good, promoting independence by preventing comparison of achievements and friends. It helps speech and discourages twin-foolery in class.
Teachers need to support the twins in this difficult transition. School achievement may fall but should return to normal after several months. Avoid one twin failing a grade and losing self-esteem. When adjusted, the twins should socially flourish because of their practice in accommodating each other.
Hospitalization
Hospitalization of one twin leaves two lonely children. Give more attention to both children and allow frequent telephoning and visitation.
Parties
Take the uninvited out for a special occasion. Plan separate birthday parties with friends of each. Try birthday parties in the same room, different rooms, or on different days as seems suitable.
Teens
Teen twins share joys, sorrows, and the family car! They understand each other’s thinking and can counsel one another. Puberty may accentuate differences in physical and emotional growth. When that happens, privileges and responsibilities should be divided out to each according to his or her maturity.
Conclusion
Check the helpful references below and meet other parents of twins. Now, take a deep breath. Relax. Enjoy.
Bibliography
References
Theroux, R.T. and Tingley, J.F. The Care of Twin Children: A Common-Sense Guide for Parents. Center for Study of Multiple Births, Chicago, lllinois, 1978.
Noble, E. Having Twins. Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston, 1980.
Abbe, K.M. and Gill, F.M. Twins on Twins. Crown Publishers, Inc., New York, 1980.
Keith, D.M., Mclnnes, S., and Keith, L.G., Ed. Breast-feeding Twins, Triplets, and Quadruplets: 195 Practical Hints for Success. Center for Study of Multiple Births, Chicago, Illinois, 1982.
La Leche League International. The Womanly Art of Breast-feeding (Revised). Franklin Park, lllinois,1981.
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